Creative Writing Workshop: Critiques

  A great paragraph from Hana's Canvas ;

• she used the simple vocabs to attract readers to feel pleasure when they read it.
• Hana applied to using the process, which is the style that explain one by one the story.
• reading suspiciously, in this line "Look, I need my pills," said Ana softly."
• figurative language: metaphor in this line, "He didn't talk much as he did usually and still as cold as an iceberg."
• She managed to bring the readers into the protagonist world, the conflict with his girlfriend.
• simple words but brings lots of meaning, in love. " I can't have a happy day without your smile, your jokes and witout hearing your laugh,"

There are some aspects that she could improve to make her story more interesting:

• using more figurative languages, such as metaphors, personafications, and simile.
• just put only one emotions in one paragraph to make readers understand easily.
• elaboration is great, but she must command in vocabs to gain the quality of the writing.

There are somethings that I LOVE in this paragraph:

• author was very honest in their writng and elaboration skills of plot.
• there are some words that Ican used to tackle a woman, one day.
• common story, but they are some moral values, such as be honest, and also believe to each other.
• she tried to to catch the readers by using the common issue, whic is love. GREAT

Creative Writing Workshop Prompt

Birds chirping sounds clumsy into Malique's mind. Durian's leaves dancing smoothly in the brown orchard of his late father. There's lots of durian, means lots of money than he could get to buy some new clothes for his sisters, for Hari Raya, just around the corner, in just few weeks to go. their shabby baju kurung was the same baju kurung that they wore on a day before the sorrowness day in their life; death of their father in an accident. That baju kurung with tiny pink roses was a gift from their late beloved father, a day before Hari Raya, three years ago. "I wish I can kissed my father rough hands, kissed his forehead, and lay down on his lap. I'm really missed you. Your smile, your care, and your fierce is sweetest lullaby for me". The crystal pearls sliding like glasier from his tired eyes."It was rain, I should bring these durian back before the cloud became more evil". Malique let his tears drop in the heavy rain, let him sorrow in the rain of happiness.

Malique: Main in "Orange For Emak"

Malique is a normal boy from kampung, that is very passionate to achieve his dream, to become a teacher. He is 15 years old, but with his physical, and his voice, there is always misunderstood happened on behalf of recognised his real age. His tiny moustache on his lip, and 187 cm tall is an amazing fatigue for a boy in his age. His skin looks burned, because he is really struggling under the hot sun to earn some money for his family. He is very matured in thoughts and loved to hang out with old folks in Warung Pak Man, to share some ideas and solutions from the perspective of teenager.

His father dead for the past five years ago, by a tragic accident, at the end of the Melur Road. His father, was a postman, dead when he is still in his duty to make some deliveries for the folks that waiting for the letters, maybe from their children, family, and could be some offers for teenagers to further their studies to the university in town.

Besides, his mother was a very tough woman that he ever knew. She never cried and feel despair about her lost, her beloved husband. She told her children that this is one of their big challenge to the journey to become stronger, and the great slave for Allah, the Al-mighty. Puan Mariah never asked Malique to go out and find the job, but she told him to focus on his exam, just around the corner. She still can afford them by the wages from her job, a cleaner in primary school in her village, SMK Tun Fatimah, Kulai, Johor.

Malique still have two sisters, in Standard 3 and Form 1 to take care on, Siti Musliha and his youngest sister, Siti Marina. Malique started to carry the burden and full responsibility to feed his family since his father gone. He never complained and tried his best to balance his education, and also his part time job, collecting coconut and helping Pak Ismail in his orchard. Sometimes, he also goes out doing some job such as cut the grass, painting the house, and do some laundry to earn some money for his sisters. He said once to his mother, that he will to sacrificed his future as long as his two beloved sisters finished their studies with flying colours. He will to do anything, just for his family, for their better future.

I wonder

Father told me not to dance with the rain,
Every time I felt despair in my bloody pain,
Black moth keeps flying around my head,
Give me headache, like drowning in the deep lake...

The blue fountain splashing the dark water,
In the river of polystyrene and rusty stuff,
There is another dirty mansion need to be clear,
I need a crystal air, because my past view is polluted enough...

I Am; Who I Am

Red beam light burn in my spirit,

Sparkling through my highway, the life circuit,

Sorrow, sad, despair, and disappointed,

That put me into the tears of the man,

Crying like a baby,

Like a sad rhythm in lullaby,

That looking for the honor,

Man is a winner, not a loser…

I am, the real who I am,

That regret in the coffin of trauma,

I let it sleep in my black pijama,

I tried to sing in the cloud of dilemma,

Calculating the freedom,

Like Tunku Abdul Rahman fight for the nation,

Throw the British down, rise of the new revolution...

I AM SO SORRY;

I AM SO SORRY,

I am nobody,

Need to be someone for a person,

Need to be a better son,

Face the problem, and never run,

Face the moon and the sun,

Like they smile to me,

No regret,

Never be sad,

Because I know better,

What the real me in the future...

F R I E N D S H I P

The red rusty anchor sank in the black water,
The green bottle juggles in the ocean,
Never give up and never fear,
Every friendship have their own reason...

Playing the upeh with Chinese lady,
Crying and laughing under the tree,
Friendship is similar like the paddy,
Make the human release their hungry...

:: Thesis ::

THE SLEEPING DICTIONARY: IMPACT OF WHITE RAJAH'S 
COLONIZATION OF SARAWAK

Selima, the sleeping Dictionary